its really good to hear your voice

2008-05-29T21:41:00.002+08:00

Had a bad day, don't talk to me,
gonna ride this out,
My little black heart, breaks apart,
with your big mouth.

And I'm sick of my sickness
Dont touch me, you'll get this.
I'm useless, lazy, perverted,
and you hate me.

You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call,
And everything, everything's my fault.

Everything's my fault.

2008-05-10T17:15:00.001+08:00

sometimes i think i have an alter ego.
a self that i dont recognise, understand or acknowledge.

~~at times i wanna try being her~~

2008-05-02T00:36:00.003+08:00

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

do you remember, how i beat the odds,
and found you that afternoon at bugis.
i didnt believe it was impossible,
i didnt stop trying.
i would have given everything
just to have you back

i should learn not to give my all to blind hope.
you're not me, you arent meant to be.

but somehow, i need to know that,
it does mean as much to you as it does to me.

in reality, there's only the shorter story.
there's no room for love and glory,
that i can only wish for and dream of.

2008-04-29T19:13:00.000+08:00

Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There ain't so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me anymore

~~puffy eyelid mornings~~

2008-04-16T14:56:00.000+08:00

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

noone's ever there when im down.

2008-04-14T21:43:00.000+08:00

No more carefree laughter
Silence ever after
Walking through an empty house, tears in my eyes
Here is where the story ends, this is goodbye

Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
There is nothing we can do
Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
We just have to face it, this time were through
(this time we're through, this time we're through
This time we're through, we're really through)
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go
(I have to go this time I have to go, this time I know)
Knowing me, knowing you
Its the best I can do

2008-04-10T21:39:00.001+08:00

I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

and i keep getting beaten down, everywhere, everything.
im trying to manage it but it just gets out of control.
too late for regrets, too much to hope.

~~ijustwannacurlbackupandcry.~~
coward.
~~its not wrong to cry.~~

2008-04-08T18:04:00.000+08:00

You seem so far away though you are standing near
You made me feel alive, but something died I fear
I really tried to make it out
I wish I understood
What happened to our love, it used to be so good

So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me
S. O. S.
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me
S. O. S.
When you're gone
How can I even try to go on?
When you're gone
Though I try how can I carry on?

its been a wrecking roller coaster flip flop.

2008-04-03T22:25:00.002+08:00

if you change your mind
i'll be first in line
honey im still free
take a chance on me
if you need me let me know
gonna be around
if you got no place to go
if youre feeling down
if you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
honey I'm still free
take a chance on me
gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
if you put me to the test, if you let me try

I LOVEEEEEEE ABBA

2008-03-25T18:54:00.002+08:00

sometimes i feel like a brittle leaf
just fluttering on the near-bare tree
hanging on not quite with strength
but at volatile fate's deposition
just waiting for that one gust
to blow me away
to twirl on its wispy breath
in the downward spiral

is that deliverance?

2008-03-18T10:30:00.002+08:00

i remember the days we spent together
were not enough
and i used to feel like dreaming
except we always woke up
never thought not having you here
would hurt so much
tonight ive fallen and i cant get up
i need your loving hands to come and pick me up
and every night i miss you i can just look up
and know the stars are holding you,
holding you,
holding you,
tonight

2008-03-16T23:56:00.000+08:00

why does it kill me everytime.

maybe its meant to always be that way, so it cant get spoiled.

2008-03-15T03:37:00.001+08:00

WHYYYYYY.
URGHS.
i fucking cant slp cause my fucking sis doesnt wanna switch off the lights
and i happen to be extremely light sensitive.

FUCK OFF.
why do i have to just miss you by that bit.

2008-03-15T01:31:00.001+08:00

after all these years,

_____________and still i do.

2008-03-15T00:20:00.003+08:00

i want to kill the world
i want to kill the world
i want to kill the world

i know the world's trying to kill me too

i love my friends. i really do.
they're really my heart and soul,
the reason for living when all seems wrong.
they make things seem not so bad after all.

BUT I STILL WANT TO KILL THE WORLD
STRANGLE IT THROTTLE IT SQUASH IT MINCE IT
I HATE LIVING I SO DO
I WANT TO BE COMMITMENT-PHOBIC
CAREFREE CAREFREE I FORGOT WHAT THAT MEANS AND FEELS LIKE

DIE DIE DIE
THE WORLD SHOULD JUST DIE
OR KILL ME

youre halfway there anyway

2008-03-14T23:32:00.002+08:00

i look at the world and i notice its turning
while my guitar gently weeps
with every mistake we must surely be learning
still my guitar gently weeps
i dont know how you were diverted
you were perverted too
i dont know how you were inverted
no one alerted you

2008-03-12T19:24:00.002+08:00

NO1. the school sent my miserable results to my parents.
NO2. there are only 4 days left to study for BT1.
NO3. i dont plan to study biology.
NO4. i hope to pass math and chem.
NO5. there's a compelling sense of loneliness.
NO6. i'll kill myself if 07.03.08 repeats itself.
NO.7 boyfriend has been trying to be very nice to me.
NO8. i hate my teachers.
NO9. life is disappointing.
NO10. im perpetually confused over myself.

~~i dont want to live at this moment~~

2008-02-23T04:28:00.000+08:00

its all broken and crushed without even being tangible in the first place.

2008-02-20T21:11:00.001+08:00

why so i feel this way.
why do i just cry.

im so afraid i cant hold myself together.
im so afraid i'll just break down and die.

its smth that no one understands.

2008-01-19T19:37:00.000+08:00

chiangrai, etched in my heart,
buried in my mind,
woven in the very soul of my being,
forever; i miss it all.

2008-01-15T00:51:00.000+08:00

thrown into this unfamiliar grounds,
that reek of immorality.

let me see the light soon,
please i beg.

2007-12-27T16:32:00.000+08:00

screwed up screwed up !
why did everything become so screwed up ?!
i wish you never went to thailand.
ever since you were back, NOTHING was ever the same again !
frequency, we've been on total different frequencies.
WHY DO I FEEL LIKE YOURE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
everything you do, im annoyed.
everything i do, youre upset.

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED.
WHY DONT WE KNOW EACH OTHER ANYMORE.
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO ?!
EVER SINCE YOU LEFT, YOU NEVER CAME BACK.

when i was gone, did you die and reborn ?
the moment i was back, it was different.
we both know, we both feel it.
not the same, just not the same.

i know you know whats wrong with yourself,
but just keep living in denial,
you just refuse to tell me what is it.

DO YOU KNOW, ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY TRYING TO FIGURE WHAT CHANGED ?
ITS KILLING ME WHEN I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOURE LIKE THIS !
IM DYING, SIMPLY DYING BECAUSE I DONT KNOW.

why cant you just let me know whats going on.

2007-12-25T01:53:00.000+08:00

dont cry boy, it wont help.
stronger, thats what you gotta be.

2007-12-24T15:49:00.000+08:00

1. i dont want you anymore
2. i am distancing from you
3. i think youre not good enough for me

its always one of the above right? your fucking insecurities. im so sick and tired of them you know? one entire year ive tried to reassure you, till you just choose to be completely emotionally dependent on me. ok, so youre depressed, youre tired, i ought to be understanding and continue supporting you. is that what youre expecting of me?

well excuse me, its not like i havent had my brush with depression. i freaking know how it feels like to have extreme moodswings, feeling lost in unfamiliar emtional terrains within yourself. and i think i have more reasons than you to be tired. but you dont see me clinging on to you like a life support right ? and you cant even understand that its thus difficult for me to still support you so extensively. obviously its where my short temperedness and frustration stem from. you think its easy for me ? i know its not easy for you and thats why i dont expect much from you. i work, i tire, i suffer but do i complain ?

even so, i make my best effort to cheer you up. you know them, i dont have to state the little things i do, the way i approach you, how i try to make you feel. but i dont feel like its appreciated tho its not easy for me to put in the effort. and its just so easy for you to pick a fight. and you ask me why i flare so easily ? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU BOTHERED TO PUT IN EFFORT AND THE PERSON YOU CARE FOR JUST IGNORES IT AND CHOOSES TO UPSET YOU INSTEAD.

you, you think i dont want you. you think that i would dump you at first possible opportunity when someone else of a better calibre comes along. you think that i feel youre not good enough for me.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT HURTS.

but, but i wont bother to reassure you anymore. i wont bother to let you feel secure about our relationship like how i did for the past year. i wont bother. if you dont have confidence in yourself, in who and what you are, fine. but the fact that you dont even have the confidence in me, in me to trust that i do care for you, thats just way too much to bear for me. i wont accept such mentality any longer.

theres no point hanging on to me by pleas and begs. neither of us would be happy in such a partnership. pleas and begs are merely words, empty as words can get. give me feelings, let me feel that you and i do love. thats how we stay together.

emotions, do you understand feelings? its them, and not the words that count. words are empty without emotions to fill them.

2007-12-12T01:54:00.000+08:00

MY BABY'S BACKKK!
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou

2007-12-03T22:45:00.000+08:00

FUCK YOU

2007-12-01T00:22:00.000+08:00

its really good to hear your voice, saying my name
and it sounds so sweet
coming from the lips of an angel
saying these words
it makes me weak

and i, never want to say goodbye

thats why i can never stay angry,
hold a grudge, keep my distance,
or leave you.

it makes me nearly hate you,
if not for the love of you that comes before.

2007-11-25T01:13:00.000+08:00

the passion, our passion.

and it felt like a breeze from the past,
almost alive, rushing warmth onto my skin.
but wind, its hollow, lifeless being,
ending comfort with shivers on my spine.

2007-11-24T23:56:00.000+08:00

i wanted to tell you,

longer than, there've been fishes in the ocean
higher than, any bird ever flew
longer than, there've been stars up in the heavens
i've been in love with you

stronger than, any mountain cathedral
truer than, any tree ever grew
deeper than, any forest primeval
i am in love with you

i'll bring fire in the winters
you'll send showers in the spring
we'll fly through the falls and summers
with love on our wings

through the years as the fire starts to mellow
burning lines in the book of our lives
though the binding cracks and the pages start to yellow
i'll be in love with you
i'll be in love with you

and now...

2007-11-20T00:26:00.000+08:00

the gathering made me one happy girl !
but you, you make me feel alive

youre so sweet sweet sometimes.
bitter sweet. we quarrel, and it sucks.
but when we make up, it makes whatever you do,
all the more sweet.

bittersweet, its better than just sweet

2007-11-12T10:08:00.000+08:00

Now that I've lost everything to you
You say you wanna start something new
And it's breakin' my heart you're leavin'
Baby, I'm grievin'
But if you wanna leave, take good care
Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just on a smile, girl
Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child, girl

You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do
And it's breakin' my heart in two
Because I never wanna see you sad, girl
Don't be a bad girl
But if you wanna leave, take good care
Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware

Baby, I love you
But if you wanna leave, take good care
Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware

2007-11-11T15:38:00.000+08:00

Well, it's a marvelous night for a Moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance
'Neath the cover of October skies
And all the leaves on the trees are falling
To the sound of the breezes that blow
And I'm trying to please to the calling
Of your heart-strings that play soft and low
And all the night's magic seems to whisper and hush
And all the soft moonlight seems to shine in your blush

Can I just have one a' more Moondance with you, my love
Can I just make some more romance with a-you, my love

Well, I wanna make love to you tonight
I can't wait 'til the morning has come
And I know that the time is just right
And straight into my arms you will run
And when you come my heart will be waiting
To make sure that you're never alone
There and then all my dreams will come true, dear
There and then I will make you my own
And every time I touch you, you just tremble inside
And I know how much you want me that you can't hide

One more Moondance with you in the moonlight
On a magic night
La, la, la, la in the moonlight
On a magic night
Can't I just have one more dance with you my love

2007-11-11T11:29:00.000+08:00

you say ive been becoming so far away.
actually, its more like i dont know who you are anymore.
ever since you know what, you've been reading so much into things.
too much and this thinking has affected both of our lives.
a little bit here, and you start imagining like i dont know what.
a little there, and you start thinkin the whole world is against you.
our friends, our outings, our decisions, the things we used to do.
they all changed because of this.
nowadays, its just me and you. alone.
i like spending time with you,
but why are we becoming so isolated.
its like your own world.

i dont know what to say anymore

2007-11-09T12:10:00.000+08:00

BIEH!
as i promised girl (: amagod i think we're so funny ! i havent had a good talk with you for so so long ! last night was just hilarious.

"oh my god oh my god its her ? its her ?!" panicks. sends leon away. turns around and screams " i havent seen you in so so long! ah ah ah" HUGS.

WE ARE WEIRD ASSES. please come on the 18th please please (: i really wanna see you again neh ! you silly girl ! I LURBBBBBCHE YOU.

2007-11-07T00:45:00.000+08:00

life aint easy is it. baby baby, you really drive me crazy.
i feel like im always flung around in a whirlwind of you.
of everything concerning you.
it never seems to end.
there's just so many things. so many so many.
too many just too much.
baby, why baby just why.

2007-11-01T06:41:00.000+08:00

this how you treat a girl who's been waiting up all night for you ?
some sense of decency.

i havent had a wink of sleep.

2007-11-01T02:00:00.000+08:00

I wonder where you are
I wonder what your thinking about tonight
I wonder
Maybe your alone
Maybe you’ve been crying just like me
I wonder
I don’t know why I lost your touch
Maybe I wanted to be loved too much

Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me

It’s been a rainy afternoon
Now I’m staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon

I told you every day
I told you every night in every way
I love you ~~(and you never really seemed to notice)~~

Maybe you got scared
Maybe I have nothing else to say
But I love you
So baby now my life’s a mess
Cos I couldn’t love you any less

Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me

It’s been a rainy afternoon
Now I’m staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon

Too soon
It’s not right
It’s not fair
It’s in you baby cuts like a knife
What if you were the love of my life

Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me

We got too serious to soon
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious too soon
I wanted you to love me

It’s been a rainy afternoon
Now I’m staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon

2007-10-20T22:06:00.001+08:00

im so satisfied today (:
i love you baby

2007-10-14T14:32:00.000+08:00

i dont know how to make you understand anymore. you just dont understand what i mean, what i want, what i need. i already said all that i could say, still you dont get it. anyway, i said it and i say it again. i dont know what i did to lose your trust, if i even had it in the first place. i cannot accept it that youre insecure about me. i am disgusted that you can acutally think that im cheating on you. that is just ridiculous to me, especially all that ive done and have been doing for you. a relationship goes 2 ways. it cant survive with me trusting you and being secure, but you not trusting me and being insecure. it cant survive with me giving in and doing all the work and you hoping that my success complements your lack of achievements. no. it doesnt work that way. you cant rely on me all the time you cant you cant cause im not superwoman. everyone in this world relies on me. i want to look for someone i can rely on too. but you, you want to be like the rest. you want to rely on me. and you want to be the one with the privilege to rely on me the most just cause youre my top priority. do you know how much that breaks me. i want you to study hard, to do well, for the best of us. but no, you refuse to do so. childish and immature way of thinking that that would show your love for me. NO. that destroys me. dont you understand me ? if you do, then you wouldnt think that giving up would show me your love.

if you want to know why i seem to blow up at the slightest things you do nowadays when i didnt last time, let me tell you. its because you became increasingly immature and insecure. the things you do, you say are just so frustrating and ridiculous to me. im already stressed and this just isnt acceptable to me. i dont have time and energy to play with you now. for you to think and suspect me of unfaithfulness, or leaving you is just crazy to me. i dont think i deserve this. it isnt fair to me.

why dont you understand me anymore.

只有你当宝
i hate you for hurting me this way.

2007-10-07T00:41:00.000+08:00

memories
light the corners of my mind
misty watercolour memories
of the way we were
scattered pictures
of the smiles we left behind
smiles we gave to one another
for the way we were

can it be that it was all so simple then
or has time rewritten every line
if we had the chance to do it all again
tell me, would we ? could we ?

memories
can be beautiful and yet
whats too painful to remember
we simply choose to forget

so its the laughter
that we will remember
whenever we remember
the way we were

who's to blame for the tragedy.
im at a loss.

2007-10-03T01:14:00.000+08:00

im actually quite happy now (:
so im actually quite high (:
at least relatively higher than the past days.
so im gonna start bio now. 11 hours to go.
late but at least i got the swing back.
at last.
i love my baby.
we finally reached a compromise.
i hope it lasts.
come on idiot !
you screwed chem !
work up some shit for bio man.

:D toodles.

I LOVE YOU (",) ♥

2007-10-02T12:11:00.000+08:00

hollow.
where'd you go?

2007-10-02T10:43:00.001+08:00

must it be this way ?
is there no compromise ?
all im asking for is a week.
i know i know, youre alone.
insecure and lonely.
especially since whatever happened the past months.
but still, all im asking for is a week.
its not like im not in contact with you at all.
just a few hours a day to study.
you said you dont want me stressed.
but thats what you make me.
youre pulling me on one side.
studies on the other.
you want me to give up my studies for you ?
would you be happy then ?
im just asking for you to be understanding.
to be mature and weigh the situation for yourself.
youre not a child, dont behave like one.

and dont give me the bullshit crap of "ok i dont meet you for a week" after you read this.

2007-09-22T23:48:00.000+08:00

stupid

2007-09-16T00:17:00.000+08:00

so i was living in a fabricated environment all along. thanks. and i never knew. i trusted you, with all my heart mama. why did you do this to me ?

~~im not like her. i wont be, but you dont know me.~~

broken.

2007-09-13T22:13:00.000+08:00

ALL YOU IDIOTS.
why ?! why are all you so effing annoying. why do you all make me lose my temper. i fucking hate all of you people. one more person, i swear just one more, id kill that faggot. i cant even get my life straightened out at this moment, and you idiots, you effing idiots have to FUCKING GET IN MY WAY and add to all the shit i have. yea ? you got a problem with me and my screwed up life?! why yea let me fucking tell you ive got a problem with it too ok so shut the fuck up.

yea i hate school. i haven been listening at all. yea im gonna screw promos. yea i wanna go poly. yea i know im in the wrong place. yea i know im wasting my fucking time and i hate being in jc cause it bloody screws up my life. yea i like to cook. yea i like to paint and draw. yea i like to fucking do all these things and not study. and yea i got a problem with that and you idiots make it even worse. and yea i like estrangling my family members. so just fuck off and die if youve got a problem with me cause youre probably the least of my concerns fucker.

and yea, maybe the only idiot is myself.

2007-09-11T19:57:00.000+08:00

why do i get so high, appear so cheerful and alive in school, when inside i know i feel so dead. with every moment left to myself, i feel myself sink again. then i go find someone, anyone, and act like some nonsense retarded shit. i cant seem to breathe deep enough.

2007-09-10T01:24:00.000+08:00

hush baby dont cry, everything's gonna be alright. today it came to me again. crept up quietly behind me and sent me sinking down, down once more this sickly misery that makes me lose my mind and stare out into space and drown in tears that flow without sobs. but i sink without protest this time. just let it flow as the waves wash over the shore of my soul, slowing but surely eroding it down to the dry bones with its soft silky weightlessness. i feel like absconding. yea to run away hurriedly, secretly, unlawfully, like a guilty thief in the dead of the night. yea, id love to abscond, and bring you with me, along with the happy memories i had. is that stealing? am i not taking what belongs to me? but only criminals abscond, so i am.

darkness and its silky comfort

i wanna call you now, but youve got a paper and you need to rest.

2007-09-06T23:41:00.000+08:00

sometimes im so sick of everyone expecting a certain something from me. its not that its their fault to expect it, its not like its wrong. its just that i cant handle it and i dont know what to do with it. i feel so bad that i cant live up to them. i see those things pile up and rot and im just holed up in this miserable place. they say they understand. but oh they never will. im sorry things dont go as planned, as all of you wish. mummy im sorry im not your bright acer child anymore. CR im sorry ive not been getting things how they're supposed to be. maine im sorry i dont seem to ever give you enough. and everything else, school projects whatever, im sorry i haven given my best. dude, im sorry i cant solve your problems, i cant help you with your work all the time, cant stay up every waking hour with you, cant do everything you want for you or with you, cant do everything that you expect me to, that everyone else expects me to. i hate the way everything is turning out. i wish nobody asks whats wrong or why im upset. i wouldnt know what to tell you and you'd only make me more frustrated that i dont know and make me feel more lost.

2007-09-06T23:35:00.000+08:00

The changing
Of sunlight to moonlight
Reflections in my life
Oh how they fill my eyes
The greetings
Of people in trouble
Reflections of my life
Oh how they fill my eyes
All my sorrows
Sad tomorrows
~~Take me back to my own home~~
All my cryings
Feel I'm dying, dying
~~Take me back to my own home~~
I'm changing, arranging
I'm changing, I'm changing everything
Oh, everything around me
The world is a bad place
A bad place, a terrible place to live
Oh, but I don't wanna die
All my sorrows
Sad tomorrows
~~Take me back to my own home~~
All my cryings
Feel I'm dying, dying
~~Take me back to my own home~~
All my sorrows
Sad tomorrows
~~Take me back to my own home~~
All my cryings...

wait a minute pretty baby, do i have my own home.
the roads overgrown with thorny shrubs.
i lost my way.
or maybe there wasnt ever a way.
maybe there wasnt a place i belonged.
there was never a home that was mine.
~~why ?~~

2007-09-06T22:00:00.000+08:00

if youre lost you can look
and you will find me
time after time
if you fall i will catch you
i'll be waiting
time after time

time after time

if im lost who do i find.
will you find me?
if i fall will you catch me?
time after time?
i feel lost i feel empty
yet bloated with many things

i puke but theres nothing
yet it still sickly churns.
i cry but its dry sobs that comfort me,
time after time.
i look at everything around me
and i dont feel sorry for myself,
but yet i cant feel happy either.

i looked at you eating today
and my eyes welled up in tears.
coming fiften months and i still find it so unbelievable
that youre actually mine.
you seem just so perfect,
i wish everything else were just a lil more like you.
i cry knowing that i have you with me,
i dont know why.
nothing seems right, except you.

2007-09-04T01:28:00.000+08:00

sometimes im just so scared.
sometimes im so angry.
sometime i just dont want to care.
and then there are times,
where i know impossible is a reality.

i dont want to lose you. please be mine.

2007-09-04T00:18:00.000+08:00

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
and think of you
caught up in circles confusion
is nothing new
Flashback, warm nights
almost left behind
suitcases of memories,
time after--

sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
you're calling to me, I can't hear
what you've said
Then you say, go slow
I fall behind
the second hand unwinds

screw screw screw everything.
im upset.
yea hell yea im upset.
now everyone and everything can just fuck off.

2007-09-02T07:51:00.000+08:00

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at the floor and I see it need sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps

I look at the world and I notice it's turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps

I don't know how you were diverted
you were perverted too
I don't know how you were inverted
no one alerted you

still my guitar gently weeps.
morning's empty.
its all around me but yet nothing's there.
why dont you stay.

2007-09-01T00:05:00.000+08:00

I LOVE MY FRIENDS (:
i simply love them (:

and i love everything i have now.
except school.
im a lucky girl (:

2007-08-29T19:20:00.000+08:00

school and stuff can really suck sometimes but im so glad of all the people ive meet through these shits. thank you nice nicey people who made my day (:

and my very wonderful baby !

:D i love yall !

2007-08-19T01:29:00.000+08:00

you've got this new head filled up with smoke
I got my veins all tangled close
to the jukebox bars you frequent
the safest place to hide
a long night spent with your most obvious weakness
you start shaking at the thought
you are everything i want
cause you are everything i'm not

and we lay, we lay together
just not, too close, too close
(how close is close enough?)
we lay, we lay together
just not too close, too close

i just wanna break you down so badly
well i trip over everything you say
i just wanna break you down so badly
in the worst way

I'm gonna make damn sure
that you can't ever leave
no you won't ever get too far from me
you won't ever get too far from me
i'll make damn sure (damn sure)
that you can't ever leave (that you can't ever leave)
no you won't ever get too far from me
you won't ever get too far from me
you won't ever get too far from me (ever get too far)
you won't ever get too far

damn you sajc and all your lousy work. im gonna trash you maths and break you down so badly, make damn sure that youre cant ever leave and you wont get too far from me.

and i love my baby ever so much (:
he makes me proud (:

little things you do let me know how much you care
your subconscious actions touch me tenderly (:

2007-07-13T23:06:00.000+08:00

i found my wallet.
bless the kind soul who brought it to the police post.
and my mother who was so patient and understanding.
and most of all, dude for being there at my darkest hours.

and i hate you, ever so much you.
no respect, no love, no memories.
if you would only let me hate you less.
i could stab you and strangle you to death.
for making me fatherless,
and filled with hurt, anger and hate,
running away last night,
screaming and crying,
headed to nowhere carelessly,
till someone else offered me the comfort i couldnt have
from you.
some other man filled your position in my life.
thank you pillar of support.
i could only love you more.

2007-07-12T21:01:00.000+08:00

BLOODY FUCKING HELL I HATE THIS WEEK.
AND I THOUGHT YDAY WAS THE WORST DAY.
1. 2 fucking big ulcers on my lips. so fucking swollen.
2. fucking mdm pwah confiscated my earrings and scolded me.
3. fucking menstrual cramps backaches pimples and what not.
4. fucking flu and headache sore throat and cough.
5. fucking C for gp paper.
6. fucking pw workshop tmr than council commendation what a waste of time.
7. fucking stupid to drop my wallet in the bus today.
my ic, ezlink and my beloved mirror. im so sorry dude.

screw this world id kill the next person who annoys me.

2007-07-05T22:03:00.000+08:00

when you are with someone, give yourself to that person fully
now how many of us can do that, people locked and scrambling about in the hustle bustle of life. i cant. but i never realised how important it really is.

"I believe in being fully present. That means you should be with the person you are with."

"So many people with far smaller problems are so self-absorbed, their eyes glaze over if you speak for more than thirty seconds. They already have something else in mind- a friend to call, a fax to send, a lover they're daydreaming about. They only snap back to full attention when you finish talking, at the which point they say 'Uh-huh' or 'Yeah, really' and fake their way back to the moment."

how very true this is. and yet i cant pull myself away from it. makes me feel so shallow. cant we show a little more concern for the people we love and the world around. afterall, we are one.

The story about a little wave, bobbing along in the ocean, having a grand old time. He's enjoying the wind and the fresh air-- until he notices the other wave in front of him, crashing against the shore. "My God, this is terrible," the wave says. "Look what's going to happen to me!" Then along comes another wave. It sees the first wave, looking grim, and it says to him, "Why do you look so sad?" The first wave says, "You don't understand! We're all going to crash! All of us waves are going to be nothing! Isn't it terrible?"

The second wave says, "No, you dont understand. You're not a wave, you're part of the ocean."

from years back and halfway across the world, its amazing how Morrie Schwartz can reach over to me transversing space, time and death. i am humbled, as i seek to understand.

and finally, "Love each other, or perish"

maybe this is why im feeling miserable of the late, due to school. how i long for those days at stnicks once more. my 2nd home for 10 sweet years. how i wish i could brush with death, so that i may learn to live, like i were dying.

"Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live"

2007-06-24T01:49:00.000+08:00

i needed entertainment and it came in a form of glenteohs friendster bulletin. amuse yourself.
this is ripped.

41 facts and 26 secrets about bored me.

Today Did You-
-------------------
1. Talk to a boy/girl you like ?
which one?

2. Learn anything new?
u can smack the wings off a fly with a
graphic calculator

3.Talked to an ex?
wah im hungry

4.Miss someone?
SARA PARN LOL

-Last Person Who-
------------------------

5.Laid in your bed?
I hope that it's me

6. Made you cry?
macdonald cappuccino not bad leh.

7. You went to the movies with?
the starhub advertisement charboh dam hot.

8. Went to the mall with you?
but I think keira knightley hotter

9. You showered with?
gandalf. his staff can glow. dam cool.

10. Made you laugh?
the fly that got it's wings busted by my
graphic calculator

11. Hugged you?
the sky so high the bird shiat in my eye

-General stuff-
-------------------

16. Favorite location?
it doesn't matter

17.Tattoo?
as long as the mood is there, any place
will do..

18. What are you most scared of this
second?
LHS not equal RHS

19. Where do you want to get married?
when scratch backside, don't bite
fingernails

21. Does anyone like you?
leave them for other people's faces

22. Do you like being around people?
and that's why I like being around people

23.Have you ever cried?
whoever created this questionnaire isn't
human, or is incredibly stupid...but
maybe its meant for stupid people like
me, so I will answer anyway. no.

24. Are you lonely right now?
in what sense

25. Song stuck in your head?
i wanna have your baby. but no, i can't,
sorry. blame 98.7fm

26. Been on radio/TV?
too fat

28. Ever liked someone who treated you
like crap?
I don't remember getting flushed

30. what color shirt are you wearing
right now?
no shirt

31. Name three things that you do every
day?
something, nothing or my thing

32. How much cash do you have on you
right now?
im not a striptease

35. Who got you to join Friendster?
the cafe cartel

38. What web site do you visit the
most?
about:blank

39. Do you have plants in your room?
no but there are leaves

41. Who was the last person to hug you?
yes, the person who created this is
stupid. or has a bad memory.

-26 SECRETS-
---------------------

1.WHAT IS YOUR DISPLAY NAME ABOUT?
name and active status

2. WHERE WAS YOUR DEFAULT PICTURE
TAKEN?
in an ipod

4.WHAT'S YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP
STATUS?
lovers with the sexy computer.

5. HONESTLY, IF SOMEONE WERE TO TELL
YOU HOW THEY FELT, WOULD YOU LISTEN?
if what they felt was male homosexuality
then H3LL NO.

6. WHATS YOUR CURRENT MOOD?
unknown

7. WHATS YOUR MOST VALUED POSSESSION?
me

8. HOW ARE THINGS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
why are there things in my relationship
in the first place

10. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, AND
CHANGE SOMETHING WOULD YOU?
closed timelike curvessss

11. IF YOU MUST BE AN ANIMAL FOR ONE
DAY- WHAT WOULD YOU BE?
i'm always an animal

12. EVER HAD A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE?
it's called sleep

16. NAME SOMEONE WITH THE SAME B-DAY
AS YOU?
hello geraldine =)

17. HAVE YOU EVER SANG IN FRONT OF A
LARGE AUDIENCE?
mary had a little lamb, little lamb,
little lamb..

18. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE
ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX ?
that it's not a he (i seriously hope)

19. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY ORDER FROM
STARBUCKS?
this was created by starbucks personnel.

20. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A DRUNKEN WEEK?
wah i feel like eating beancurd.

21. DO YOU STILL WATCH KIDDY MOVIES OR
TV SHOWS?
kids nowadays hum to the tune of 'smack
that'..I don't even know what's kiddy
any more.

23. NAME SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU
TODAY?
hah! that stupid fly! I got your wings!
now you're a walk!

24. DO YOU SPEAK ANY OTHER LANGUAGE?
anbu kunthu payanigal kavanikavum.
ungallin paathukapaimunithum, manjal
kuduku penal niilungal.

25. IS THERE SOMEONE ON YOUR MIND NOW
i gotta get that lord of the rings dvd
away from my computer. gandalf is
getting annoying

26. WHAT HURTS YOU AT THE MOMENT?
why am I supposed to be hurting? wah,
the person who made this is sado
mascochistic!

im amused. good night.

2007-06-12T01:38:00.000+08:00

HAHA (: SIGGY'S A VERY HAPPY GIRL TODAY !
ITS THE 12TH JUNE (:
CUPID'S CHOKEHOLD (:

and i was studying with leon and chloe and WE SAW CHAR AND TALKED TALKED ! then after sending chloe home i popped by to surprise TWIN DEAREST and then MY GORGEOUS GORGY ! (: (: (: i miss all my dear st nicks friends (:

and i miss my baby now (:

2007-06-06T22:48:00.000+08:00

FAGGOT.
FAGGOT.
FAGGOT.

I MEAN LESS TO YOU THAN A DAMN FUCKIN TABLE DONT I.
what an utter idiot. first you dont wanna send me to sch in the morning and i had to get up 1.5 hours earlier to get there on my own. in the fuckin morning. and its studying purposes. your dearest younger daughter goes out to a CONCERT and you could fetch her from AMK central when it only takes 10 min on 169. and its for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES. what the fuck. and how did you explain that. SHES STILL YOUNG. YOU ARE PRE U ALREADY CANT YOU TRAVEL YOURSELF. oh fuck to you ive been GROWN UP AND BIG GIRL since KINDERGARTEN and shes been young FOREVER.

AND YET NOW WHAT DO YOU TELL ME ! THAT IM SO IMMATURE AND CHILDISH AND THAT I HAVEN GROWN UP AFTERALL. YOU FAGGOT. AND WHAT ? I BARELY MADE UP WITH YOU FOR A WEEK AND YOU HAD TO SPOIL IT AGN. what happened ? ITS ALL OVER A FUCKING TABLE. A TABLE ! huh?!? so what if the dining table is this NEW NICE CORPORATE LIKE PIECE OF WOOD THATS ALL LACQUARED NICELY BY YOU 20 TIMES ? HUH ?!? HAVE YOU ANY FUCKING IDEA THAT THIS IS A DINING TABLE ?! SO IF YOU DONT WANT IT TO BE STAINED/DIRTIED/VANDALISED OR WHATSOEVER THAN DONT MAKE IT A DINING TABLE IDIOT. i rather the oldie one back. so what if i did my manicure there. i like to do whatever i want to do on a stupid DINING table. because of your STUPID EXTRA 20 TIMES LACQUARING EFFORTS we have to use mats and dunno what rubbish to not stain the table. I REPEAT ITS A DINING TABLE. and so what if a few damn drops of acetone dropped on the table and tarnished the varnishing huh?! you scold me for that ?! and then tell me im immature when i defend myself ?! HELLO AT LEAST IM PRACTICAL AND I THINK THATS AN ASPECT OF BEING MATURED RATHER THAN YOUR LACK OF SENSIBILITY.

I DONT MEAN THAT MUCH TO YOU DO I.
OTHER THAN A GOOD DINNER.
AND WASHING UP TO ADD.

FUCK OFF FAGGOT.

2007-05-28T15:36:00.000+08:00

i guess its tiring. but really, theres no other way out. the only thing i really hope for now, is for you to see the importance and urgency of this big picture.

no more failures. there have been far too many for me this year. no more. these failures and their aftereffects will have to be crushed. no longer shall they triump.

my CT my promos
your prelim your Os
our parents

no more failures with these.
there is only success in me, in us.

when the candlelight burns low
and the night is nearly over
dawn shall break with glorious news
of our rising success
and blind the world's eyes
with its gleaming pride

2007-05-22T22:22:00.000+08:00

close your eyes
for your eyes will only let you see the truth
but the truth isnt what you want to see
in the dark it is easy to pretend
that the truth is what it ought to be

masquerade. paper faces on parade.

lovely pictures from my cyber shot coming up tmr (:

2007-04-28T01:24:00.000+08:00

i lost a confidante quite some time ago.
the anger then helped block out the pain of losing you.
when the anger subsided, i simply buried myself
in the company of new friends, a new life and new beginnings.
forced myself not to think of you, to just move on.
the hectic life of jc is amazingly consuming
maybe i shouldnt have blocked us out after all.
is 2 yrs of love we had worth so little
definitely not. but there are things you wont understand.
why i choose to let go instead.
nonetheless upon reflection i do regret somehow
the way we let our forever and ever and ever rot away
you have always been my gorgeous roach,
up to today i still havent changed it.

someday, someday we'll figure a way out.
till someday someday, take care my friend.
final goodbyes may not last forever.
with love; the elder sister you never had.

2007-04-18T01:15:00.000+08:00

can you just let me break down and cry.
can you just let me tell you that im so miserable now. can i just tell you that i dont know what i want. can i just tell you that i feel like dying. can i just tell you that everything just isn't right. can i just tell you how much i want somebody to understand.

why am i asking for the impossible. why am i asking to reach the sky when the sky isnt even something tangible. why do i feel so empty when i have the things i worked for. why do i feel like there's still something more that i need to know and get.

what exactly do i want from myself right now. what do i do when i am confused. what can be done to stop myself from falling. what do i need to save my spirit from depression. what can i do to tell myself that everything's gonna be ok somehow.

when am i going to find what im looking for. when will it be when my heart feels lifted. when will everything really be ok. when do the things im doing now start to seem meaningful. when will it be when i finally know myself. when will it be my time to die.

have i told you lately that i feel so sad. have i told you that things haven't been turning out right. have i told you how my spirit doesn't feel like fighting. have i told you how i've been slowly dying and fading. have i told you how tiredness has became me.

does it seem like i'm getting out of control. does it seem like hope is non-existent. does it seem like i am another insane person. does it seem like i suffer ADD. does it seem like i'm still me. does it seem like you still know who this person is.

it feels like this: dark. empty. cold. lost. outcast. aimless. drifting. senseless. coma. misery. helplessness. depression. frustration. apatheticness. redundance. broken. extinguished. reluctance. faded. dead.

2007-04-16T21:37:00.001+08:00

im tired. extremely tired.
with so many things to do.
i dont know where too start.
drained my energy.
many many tasks at hand.
what am i up to.
have i lost my flame.
ignite my fire again.
please i beg you.

2007-04-16T21:37:00.000+08:00

2007-04-10T23:08:00.000+08:00

mutilated. distorted. by what you just let me know.
and i thought that you really appreciate
me being there to help you all the time
despite my own commitments.
why, dude why.

2007-04-05T22:10:00.000+08:00

its been a long long time.
since i blogged. haaaa.
im so over bloggin these days.
but i just have to say it here.
i love you, i miss you,
you make me so happy (:
it isnt any wonder anymore
on why youre my happypill
noone delights me like you do
youre everything i desire (:
i know you sleeping right now baby
i still keep thinking of you anyway
haaaa. i love you so.

2007-03-15T00:56:00.000+08:00

Everybody's looking for a something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lovers eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So, impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
Cos who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete

Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sun rise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
at any given time or place

It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it's like flying without wings
Cos you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings

You´re the place my life begins
You'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings

youre my special wing. its a most wondrous feeling.
you lift me up beyond my highest dreams.
(:

2007-03-01T22:42:00.000+08:00

What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that you're not there

when will i fully gain your trust,
so that you will believe in everything i say,
everything of me.
it gets me so frustrated, so tired, so exhausted,
when you doubt me, pressurize me,
question me, interrogate me,
force me, threaten me, intimidate me,
when you just simply want your way,
regardless of how i feel.

i want to be felt.
i aint just an emotion.
im a being.

2007-02-27T22:48:00.000+08:00

i hate schooooool.
so sad, so sad,
its a sad sad situation,
and its getting more and more absurd.

2007-02-21T23:18:00.000+08:00

im fresh back from china and still reekin of their mud.
i hate tours and i hate china food.
it was a fucking miserable five days.
stinking things happened too.
i hate being a singaporean.
i hate everything that happened.
and i hate my life right now.

tear me open,
cause i aint worth much.

2007-02-13T00:37:00.000+08:00

i loveee sevennnn (:
and i love chuaaaaaa.

youre so irresistable.

2007-02-05T23:43:00.000+08:00

cold, you know cold ?
like FUCKIN FREEZING COLD.
you said case close. you said its nt gonna happen agn.
BUT WHAT NOW. me ? its me ?
you know, i wanted to call.
but i figured we would be all quiet and upset
just the last times.
so the email went to you.
i did it. to tell you i didnt forget it, or you.
but that reply, that fucking reply.
gwad, ive been affected the whole time
how much has it even been on your mind?
youre breaking me down agn arent you.
to eventually see me go your way.
to pay a price for this disobedience.
i know.

2007-02-05T20:49:00.000+08:00

and it wasnt even a choice or an option.
why did you even have to ask.
you know, its sick to repeat this scenario all over agn.

2007-02-03T23:16:00.000+08:00

you know, no one ever loved me this way.
first i was afraid to love you.
now that i loved you,
im afraid to lose you.

i love your surprises (:
youre sucha hun !

2007-01-31T21:45:00.000+08:00

you with the sad eyes
dont be discouraged
oh i realise
its hard to take courage
in a world full of people
you can lose sight of it all
and the darknes inside you
can make you feel so small

but i see your true colours
shining through
i see your true colours
and thats why i love you
so dont be afraid to let them show
true colours are beautiful
like a rainbow

show me a smile then
dont be unhappy, cant remember
when i last saw you laughing
if this world makes you crazy
and youve taken all you can bear
you call me up
because you know i'll be there

your true colours, beautiful.

2007-01-30T00:14:00.000+08:00

and i dont regret the rain
or the nights i felt the pain
or the tears i had to cry so much
times along the way
every road i had to take
everytime my heart would break
it was just something that i had to get through
to get me to you

2007-01-27T23:45:00.000+08:00

the reason is:

it felt as though you were leaving me.
as though i was unwanted.
it felt as cold as the winds tonight.
when you made me turn away.
i crumbled.
this thing called loneliness
i fear; i dread.

2007-01-22T23:57:00.002+08:00

why am i tryin so hard.
im tired.
is it appreciated.
will it backfire.
was this what i was prepared for ?
i dont seem to know where to go from here.

mama take this badge off me
i cant use it anymore
its gettin' dark, too dark for me to see
i feel like im knockin' on heaven's door

2007-01-17T00:10:00.000+08:00

you know in life they say that as long as you have a direction, a goal, then you wont get lost. you'd get there somehow, despite all the obstacles in your way. you just have to push, really push. now you see, i have a direction. a path i had forseen and paved. but you see, i still got lost and blinded along the way. i started off really clearheaded, but now its all foggy and dank. i dont know where to go from here. was it some unforseen mistake on my part ?

do i push you too far ? am i absorbing too much of you ? am i demandin too much in too short a time span ? do you need more space ? i know what i expect of you and i know that you can achieve it. the only thing is im afraid that id overload you when you dont say a thing at all. i tire you i know.

im tired too.
and dont be mistaken.
im not disappointed in you.
im just worried that im being too much.

pick some fights

2007-01-13T23:54:00.000+08:00

theres really nothing better than just being with you. and ya true, anything you do would make me happy anyway (: haha smart chloe.

2007-01-12T19:17:00.000+08:00

TODAY IS THE SEVENTH.
AND TODAY,I TRULY FELT WHAT IT MEANS
TO BE SMILING FROM THE HEART,
BECAUSE OF HOW WONDROUS
YOU CAN BE IN EVERYWAY (:

when i look into your eyes
the feeling electrifies
the world halts just for that moment
just for you and i

2007-01-08T23:03:00.000+08:00

ive got two words that i wanna say to you.
i love you.

three words ?
no, cause you and i are one.
(: